February 2013
1 post
“Before you fall in love with a girl, make sure you like her without make up on....”
– Pink Shoe LaRue
January 2013
17 posts
PIMP GOSPEL VOL. 1
WHILE YOU MAKIN CUTE LITTLE MIX CDS, ARTS AND CRAFTS PROJECTS, AND OIL PAINTINGS AND POEMS WRITTEN IN CALIGRAPHY FOR A GIRL. ON ROMANTIC EXCURSIONS TO THE ART GALLERY WHERE YOU GIVE HER CUPCAKES BAKED IN THE SHAPE OF HER NAME DAT GOT GUCCI SPRINKLES ON THEM. SENDING HER TEXTS ABOUT MAJESTIC SUNSETS AND POODLE PUPPIES AND CRYING WHEN YOU THINK OF HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE’D LOOK ON A DATE WHERE YOU...
“Hi Pink Shoe Larue, I’m having a boy I really like over for dinner next...”
– THE KEY TO A MAN’S HEART IS TO FILL HIS MOUTH WITH YOUR FOOD, AND FILL YOUR MOUTH WITH HIS PENIS.
MY BOTTOM BITCH WON MY HEART WITH BRAISED SHORT RIBS AND HOMEMADE MASHED POTATOES THE FIRST TIME SHE COOKED DADDY DINNER. MAKE SOMETHIN THAT ISN’T EASY. DON’T JUST MAKE PASTA OR SOME...
“Dear Pink Shoe Larue, none of the bitches at the bars like me, none of the...”
– YOU NEED 2 THINGS.
1. CONFIDENCE — BITCHES AIN’T GONNA LIKE YOU IF YOU LOOK AT THE GROUND AND TALK WITH A WEAK ASS, SQUEAKY VOICE. PRAISE JESUS. YOU NEED TO FEEL YOURSELF A LITTLE MORE. BE PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS. IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY RECENT ACCOMPLISHMENTS, THINK ABOUT...
“How do you fuck a girl that says she is waiting until marriage?”
– I’M NO ROCKET SCIENTIST… BUT I’LL TAKE A STAB AT IT.
MARRY HER?
PINK SHOE LARUE
“Dear Pink Shoe LaRue
Do guys like it when girls shave their arms?”
– HOW BOUT SOME MOTHAFUCKIN SPECIFICITY BITCH?
ARE YOU ASKIN IF GUYS LIKE IT WHEN GIRLS SHAVE THEIR ARMPITS? IF SO, HERE’S THE ANSWER:
GUYS LIKE HAIR ON A GIRL’S HEAD. GUYS TOLERATE EYEBROWS AND EYELASHES. BESIDES THAT, EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN HAIR ON YO MOTHAFUCKIN BODY BETTER BE PLUCKED...
“Mr. Pink Shoe Larue
Hi, so my boyfriend and I have been dating a while, but...”
– GOD DAMN IT FELLAS, DON’T YOU REALIZE DAT DEEZ BITCHES WANT A MAN. WITH STRONG MUSCLES, AND A JUICY DICK, AND A KNIFE IN THEIR BACK POCKET? WOULD YOU SISSY MOTHAFUCKAZ STOP SAYING SHIT LIKE “BABY I WANNA SNUGGLE” AND “LET’S GET A PUPPY.” GOD DAMN IT. Y’ALLS...
“Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, I’ve known this guy for almost 7 yrs, we used to be...”
– HEY MARGOT
THANKS FOR WRITIN ME BITCH. I VOTE YES, DROP HIM A LINE. HE MAY FEEL DA EXACT SAME WAY BUT THINK YOU HAVE MOVED ON. I’VE FOUND FOR GUYS AND BITCHES BOTH, ONCE DA HEART OPENS UP FOR SOMEONE, NO MATTER HOW LONG Y’ALL GO WITHOUT SPEAKING, IT FEELS GOOD AS NEW WHEN YOU SPEAK...
“What should I do? My bitch, who has ignored me for 2 weeks, didn’t even...”
– ABSOLUTELY IGNORE DAT BITCH YOUNG BLOOD.. DOES SHE NOT REALIZE ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO OWN A CAKE WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY EATIN DAT MOTHAFUCKA? ONTO DA NEXT ONE PLAYA. IF YOU IN CAHOOTS WITH A BITCH AND NEW YEARS EVE PASSES, SHE BETTER WISH YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR IF SHE WANTS TO STAY ON THE ROSTER. EVEN IF U...
“I understand bitches should wait 90 days to fuck a guy, but we have needs too!...”
– YOU CAN FUCK WHOEVER YOU WANT. JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON’T LIKE HIM TO DA POINT DAT IF HE STARTS IGNORING YOU YOUR FEELINGS GET HURT. DATS WHY I SUGGEST 90 DAYS. BUT IF YOU’RE SOOOOO HORNY DAT UR CLITORIS IS GONNA SLIT ITS WRISTS, GO GET SOME STRANGE DICK. I SUGGEST U FUCK A DUDE U HAVE NO...
“so ive been talking to this guy for about a month now, but he is WAY too clingy...”
– ANSWER:
BOY I TELL YA, SOME DUDES MAMAS REALLY FUCKED THEIR SONS UP, PRAISE MOTHAFUCKIN GOD, CAN I GET AN AMEN? WHAT DA FUCK WRONG WITH DEEZ MEN IN 2013? WANTIN TO SNUGGLE BITCHES 24/7, WANTIN TO CALL ALL DAY AND TALK ABOUT PUPPY DOGS AND BALLOON ANIMALS AND SHIT. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PULLIN UR...
“Do you think I should open a Roth IRA account?
-Anonymous”
– ANSWER:
IF YOU HAVE A MOTHAFUCKIN EMPLOYER FUNDED 401K PROGRAM YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PICK DAT SHIT BEFORE YOU PICK A ROTH IRA. A ROTH IRA SHOULD BE A SECONDARY RETIREMENT PLAN FOR YOU IF YOU DON’T HAVE SOMETHING WITH YA MOTHFUCKIN CURRENT GIG, YA DIG HOMIE?
HERE’S DA PROBLEM WITH A...
“Dear Pink Shoe LaRue,
How can I make a guy my bitch? Like how do these girls...”
– ANSWER:
TO BE THE TYPE OF BITCH DAT GETS GUYS ALL PUSSYWHIPPED, YOU GOTTA BE HOT AS FUCK, RARELY ANSWER THE PHONE, AND MAKE PLANS AND BREAK THEM ALL THE TIME. ALSO FLIRT REAL HEAVY LIKE YOU WANNA FUCK EM, BUT NEVER HAVE SEX WITH ANY OF EM. AND INVITE THEM ALL OVER AT THE SAME TIME SO THEY COMPETE...
“Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, I’ve liked this guy, and he was interested in me as...”
– ANSWER:
WHAT KIND OF DUMB ASS QUESTION IS DAT? IF THE GUY YOU LIKED CAME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE AND FUCKED YOUR ROOMMATE IN THE OTHER ROOM, BANGIN HER HEAD UP AGAINST YOUR BEDROOM WALL, PICTURE FRAMES RATTLING, MOANING, BED SQUEAKING, FOLLOWED BY A TOILET FLUSHING 5 MINUTES LATER. WOULD YOU CALL HIM DA...
“Sooo I kinda slept with this dude the night I met him and have since discovered...”
– ANSWER: HOW MANY TIMES DO I GOTTA TELL YOU BITHCES DAT DA QUICKEST WAY TO LOSE A GUY IS GIVE HIM FREE PUSSY ALL EARLY INTO KNOWIN HIM? I’M GONNA SHAPE YOU HOES INTO LADY PIMPS ONE OF THESE DAYZ, EVEN IF ITS DA LAST THANG I DO.
NOW LISTEN TO ME BITCH, AT DIS POINT, DA BALL IS IN HIS COURT....
“Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, my girlfriend’s birthday is soon and she has told me...”
– ANSWER:
SINCE WHEN IS A BITCH’S MOTHAFUCKIN BIRTHDAY A DAY FOR HER TO SEND YOU TO THE STORE BUYIN HER SOMETHIN EXPENSIVE DAT SHE WANTS? IF SHE WANTS THAT THING THEN TELL HER TO USE HER OWN MOTHAFUCKIN MONEY TO BUY IT, PRAISE GOD! DA PURPOSE OF A PRESENT IS TO GET A BITCH SOMETHIN SHE WOULDNT...
“Dear Pink Shoe Larue,
There’s this girl. I’m head over heels for...”
– ANSWER:
MOTHAFUCKA YOU PLANNIN ON BECOMIN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES WHO ALSO WORK AS A BRAIN SURGEON PART TIME OR SOMETHIN? I AIN’T NEVER HEAR OF A JOB THAT PAYS $500,000 UPON GRADUATIN.. THE INTERNET GOT Y’ALL KIDS MINDS WARPED, PRAISE JESUS. MOTHAFUCKAZ DON’T MAKE DAT...
“Dear Pink Shoe LaRue,
What’s the difference between love and being in...”
– ANSWER:
LISTEN HERE BITCH, THERE A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND BEIN IN LOVE YA DIG? LOVE IS A FEELIN OF CONCERN AND JOY OVER A PERSON. RESPECT AND COMPASSION. IN RELATIONSHIPS LOVE IS A DESIRE TO PROTECT AND NURTURE A MOTHAFUCKA. HOWEVER BEIN IN LOVE IS A OVERWHELMING, INTOXICATIN PASSIONATE...
Anonymous asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, I really like this guy but he lives 500 miles away and I haven't talked to him in over a month, like he's avoiding me. What should I do?
hiimjide asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, All of a sudden after a while on inactivity on the front hoes be landing on my lap. Usually, being a serial monogamist, I would just pick one and ride with her but I ain't finna do that this time. So I guess Im asking how would a pimp deal with the guilt (which im sure you'd never feel in your infinite wisdom) associated with a harem of hos?
Anonymous asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, I keep sleeping with douchebags rather than people I would consider potential partners. How can I cure my addiction to losers who treat me like crap and find a real man?
shabootycat asked: How do I let my close guy friend know I'm not looking to be friends but more than friends without jeopardizing our friendship if shit doesn't work out?
December 2012
44 posts
Anonymous asked: What is a romantic thing to do when a couple fucks for da first time (both virgins)?
Anonymous asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, the dude I am with is insecure. He's had some chicks treat him wrong and thinks every bitch gonna cheat on him. How can I let him know that his dick is the only dick I wanna suck n fuck?
deathontherocks asked: Hi there, I have a New Year's Eve predicament. My friends want to go to a house party but my boyfriend wants to go to a different house party and he wants me to choose between them or him. He doesn't want my friends to come with us to this party because he says they're not cool enough, and I know if I don't choose him he will be very upset. But if I don't choose my...
Anonymous asked: how does one reach a level of knowledge that pink shoe larue reaches? is it years experience or just being better then other mere mortals? is it an attainable goal to reach your status?
Anonymous asked: do your rules for getting out of the friend zone apply to girls too?
iwearbigshirts asked: How much you take from a ho when she finished all her business? Tryna see some profit, you feel me?
Anonymous asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, I really like this girl and we have a friends with benefits type deal going on right now, but I want more. She says she likes me but doesn't want a relationship, How do I get her to change her mind?
Anonymous asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, I have two guys who claim they are in love with me and are asking me for a relationship. How do I decide which guy to be with?
Anonymous asked: Is it wrong for me to sleep with my best friend's little sister?
Anonymous asked: My boyfriend looooves to talk to other girls, but he says they're just friends. How do I show him that I'm the only woman he needs?
elloexxo asked: Dear Mr. Pink Show LaRue... How do I make you my sugar daddy? xo
slicktrdmrc asked: Is it cool if when I read your posts I have Katt Williams' voice in my head ?
d-ammy asked: How does one enter the pimping business? Is it true that you get money in the bank, and that pimpin aint easy?
Anonymous asked: Pink Shoe LaRue, I just fell for you
dying-in-stages asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, My friends say I have too many hoes. Is it possible to have too many hoes? -Madi
Anonymous asked: I've come to realize that I am actually a lesbian. How do I tell the guy I am dating this without hurting him?
Anonymous asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, I have a friend who I would really like to have a relationship with, but I get so confused about whether or not he feels the same way, or just sees us as friends. How do I know if the guy is into me?
Anonymous asked: Is it wrong to have sex with a female friend and expect her not to want a relationship? Also, how does one get out of the "Friend Zone."?
Anonymous asked: This is pathetic, but I've known this guy since April, and we've been really close friends. Well we had sex once, but that was a while ago. And now He's been with this really ugly slut for a while now, and she really hates me, but one day she told him he couldn't speak to me anymore. They argued about it for a while. He called me told me he was calling to make sure I was okay....
Anonymous asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, I really like this girl I used to be friends with/ have a crush on and I want her back in my life. However, I feel like I've been very distant for too long and I'm kinda scared of opening up to her again and getting rejected by her for the second time. I feel like I haven't tried everything and I want to fix it. any suggestions?
Anonymous asked: I fucked my friends married aunt should I tell him?
dablues34 asked: Best way to get a persistent/stalker ex girlfriend to leave me alone?
yabeeee asked: Is sex with close friends to be avoided?
legionnaires-lament asked: What is love?
phozed asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, my bestfriend stole my boyfriend away from me, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. How would you feel is something like that happened to you?
type1karla asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, I was in a relationship with a guy for a measly 2 months when he started acting very distant and strange when he was away from me. Mind you, I only entered the relationship because I though he was so real and serious. He ended things by saying "he needed to get over his ex". He texted me a month after to see how I was, and even though I still very much like him, I...
thepantomimehorse asked: Dear Pink Shoe LaRue, Did you know that you are perfect?
hobgoblinhero asked: Pink Shoe LaRue I have a problem; this girl I been friends with for ten years and made out with twice in the last, like, six years seems to have the notion that we're supposed to be together; she keeps asking me if I remember the first time (which was fuckin six years ago) that we made out. Mind you, we ain't fucked, just made out. I'm afraid that if I fuck her, she's gonna...
